What It Did to My Body

This page is a dated record of what I wrote about my energy, my health and my body, from my Facebook records, my text messages and my own published records. I am not a doctor and I am not making medical claims here. These are the words I wrote at the time, about how I felt and what I believed was causing it.

What these records show

Starting in 2015 I was writing about being fatigued all the time. By 2016 I was telling friends it began not long after my first son was born. In 2018 I wrote that I got chronic fatigue syndrome shortly after getting married, from intense unending stress, and I described days when my legs went out while I was caring for my sons. On January 29, 2019 I saw a doctor for extreme chronic fatigue. In June 2019 I texted my ex-husband that his neglect created feelings of depression and chronic fatigue, and that he told me I was faking it. In 2020 I told a friend I felt trapped in a marriage with someone who was abusive, and that the fatigue set in after I got pregnant. In 2021 I wrote that I developed chronic fatigue and completely shut down. In October 2021 I wrote that after he flipped out on me I couldn't even function. In January 2022 I texted him about sharp chest pain for days, and that the doctor said my EKG was likely stress induced. In May and June 2022 I wrote that I developed autoimmune issues and chronic fatigue because of his abuse. After the June 8, 2022 temporary full custody order, I wrote about panic attacks, a migraine from the stress of court filings, being exhausted with no fight left, and psychogenic seizures from extreme stress, beginning weeks after the June 8, 2022 order took my sons.

Quotes are word for word from my Facebook account history, my text messages, or my own pages on this site where marked. I removed names and used [brackets] where I replaced a word. An ellipsis (…) marks words I left out. Times are Eastern Time (ET).

Before I had a name for it, 2015 to 2017

My first son was born before these records start. These are the earliest things I wrote about being exhausted.

March 14, 2015Source: My Facebook post
“I need energy. Who has the cure for chronic fatigue?????”Me, March 14, 2015, 4:20 PM ET
October 14, 2015Source: My message to a friend
“Just went to the doctor on Monday to get a blood test to figure out what I'm lacking that's causing me to be so fatigued all the time”Me, October 14, 2015, 8:15 AM ET
August 11, 2016Source: My message to a friend
“I've had chronic fatigue since not long after I had [my first son] - it's gotten worse over the past year - probably from lack of sleep”Me, August 11, 2016, 10:58 AM ET
September 27, 2017Source: My message to a friend
“I'm getting no sleep and I'm exhausted”Me, September 27, 2017, 4:13 PM ET

Living in it, 2018 and 2019

These were the years I was caring for my sons at home. My journal says I had no help at night.

March 13, 2018Source: My journal, as quoted on my Costs and Time page
“Exhausted from [children] not sleeping at night and having no help.”Me, March 13, 2018
March 15, 2018Source: My texts to my ex-husband
“I’m not doing so well lately … more and more dead exhausted by the day”Me, March 15, 2018, 5:12 PM ET
“This afternoon is the worst it’s been since we’ve been here”Me, March 15, 2018, 5:12 PM ET
March 22, 2018Source: My Facebook post
“…with debilitating chronic fatigue for the past three months…”Me, March 22, 2018, 7:39 AM ET
April 4, 2018Source: My Facebook post
“I would not wish this illness on my worst enemy (if I had one), but sometimes I wish the naysayers could live in our bodies for a few days..”Me, April 4, 2018, 10:42 AM ET
April 4, 2018Source: My Facebook post
Sixteen minutes later.
“I spend my days hoping I’ll make it to the end of the day keeping my children alive while my legs go out on me and I can’t stand on my own because I’m too weak and fatigued.”Me, April 4, 2018, 10:58 AM ET
May 12, 2018Source: My Facebook post
“When I wake up with tears running down my face because I’m so exhausted i feel like I just ran a marathon, yet I don’t feel sad because his smile makes it all worthwhile ❤️”Me, May 12, 2018, 8:44 AM ET
May 17, 2018Source: My Facebook post
“When I got pregnant with [my first son], the pain mostly all went away and was replaced by extreme exhaustion upon any kind of stress or exertion.”Me, May 17, 2018, 2:43 PM ET
“I don’t know what’s worse, being in extreme pain or being in extreme fatigue, either one leading to an inability to function.”Me, May 17, 2018, 2:43 PM ET
May 29, 2018Source: My Facebook post
“My actual week in pictures - this is my real reality when I have a relapse and not just my good times…”Me, May 29, 2018, 1:44 PM ET
“…seeing the sign that said I had to walk 1.8 miles one way with steps made my legs go numb and seem like climbing Mount Everest - I couldn’t get out of my car…”Me, May 29, 2018, 1:44 PM ET
“Two weeks later I’m still in recovery mode.”Me, May 29, 2018, 1:44 PM ET
May 31, 2018Source: My text to my ex-husband
“Not that you care but before talking about stressful stuff maybe a good way to start the day is ask me how I’m feeling because I woke up very nauseous and I’m still nauseous - I get that this thing is hard for you to get used to because you don’t know how I’m feeling but just read my daily log so you can somewhat understand even though it’s almost impossible to unless it’s happening to you”Me, May 31, 2018, 6:54 AM ET
June 2, 2018Source: My message to a friend
“I got chronic fatigue syndrome shortly after getting married from intense unending stress and the cult thing”Me, June 2, 2018, 11:23 AM ET
June 12, 2018Source: My Facebook post
“Chronic fatigue life - I feel so bad for people who have this disease who don’t know that’s what they have.”Me, June 12, 2018, 7:10 AM ET
“The lack of support and understanding and blaming ends up making their condition worse because of the added stress placed on them to do things they aren’t physically capable of doing.”Me, June 12, 2018, 7:10 AM ET
June 16, 2018Source: My Facebook post
“With cfs comes forced breathing and a feeling of not being able to get enough oxygen in your lungs like you’re under water.”Me, June 16, 2018, 8:33 AM ET
July 12, 2018Source: My text to my ex-husband
“I have a massive pounding migraine…”Me, July 12, 2018, 7:58 AM ET
October 11, 2018Source: My Facebook post
Looking back on April 11, 2018.
“I sat at the tavern at lunch and just broke down crying not even caring that there were other people in the restaurant. At that point I still suffered from depression and PTSD.”Me, October 11, 2018, 7:27 AM ET
January 29, 2019Source: My journal, as listed on my Costs and Time page
A doctor visit.
“extreme chronic fatigue”Me, January 29, 2019
February 4, 2019Source: A video I shared on Facebook, with this caption
“How being under stress or in an abusive environment leads to autoimmune conditions, leaky gut syndrome and many other diseases”Me, February 4, 2019, 12:29 PM ET
April 4, 2019Source: My texts to his mother
“I’m sick and tired of trying to convince naysayers who just don’t get it”Me, April 4, 2019, 8:01 PM to 8:02 PM ET
“I’ve been diagnosed by three different doctors with adrenal fatigue - what do I need a sign on my back?”Me, April 4, 2019, 8:01 PM to 8:02 PM ET
June 9, 2019Source: My texts to my ex-husband
During an argument. I had just told him he neglected me.
“It created feelings of depression and chronic fatigue and unable to barely function or make it through my days”Me, June 9, 2019, 10:09 PM to 10:12 PM ET
“I couldn’t physically even make my own self food…”Me, June 9, 2019, 10:09 PM to 10:12 PM ET
“That’s the worst part - you never understood or even acknowledged my cfs”Me, June 9, 2019, 10:09 PM to 10:12 PM ET
“…it’s been the most difficult seven years of my life with the extreme lack of sleep and barely able to function”Me, June 9, 2019, 10:09 PM to 10:12 PM ET
“Yes and even after that you told me I was faking it”Me, June 9, 2019, 10:09 PM to 10:12 PM ET
“Why would I fake having no energy to even function”Me, June 9, 2019, 10:09 PM to 10:12 PM ET
September 6, 2019Source: My text to my mother
“This is what my house looks like most of the time because I have no help and I’m too exhausted to do anything after dealing with the [children] all day and with this fatigue I’ve had since I got pregnant with [my first son] - I went to [the grocery store] yesterday and was too tired to shop so I drove back home”Me, September 6, 2019, 7:46 AM ET
September 17, 2019Source: My Facebook post
“This is literally how sick I was for the past seven years and I tried my best not to let anyone into the depth of my suffering or tell anyone what was going on with me because I didn’t want to burden someone else with my problems.”Me, September 17, 2019, 11:46 AM ET
September 28, 2019Source: My Facebook comment
“I’ve had fibromyalgia symptoms for 20 years and chronic fatigue syndrome and adrenal burnout for seven years that prevented me from living any kind of normalcy aside from here and there and I spent a large majority of my time more than not laying on my kitchen floor or couch or [children's] playground after any amount of stress or exertion unable to get up because my muscles wouldn’t lift me and my brain was so inflamed it felt like it was trying to expand out of my skull.”Me, September 28, 2019, 8:03 AM ET
October 2, 2019Source: My Facebook post
“One of my doctors I went to that initially diagnosed me with adrenal burnout and chronic fatigue is now a naturopath.”Me, October 2, 2019, 7:38 AM ET
“…quoted me $9,000 to reverse my chronic fatigue syndrome and it was not covered by insurance.”Me, October 2, 2019, 7:38 AM ET
December 10, 2019Source: My texts to my ex-husband
“I’m exhausted and can barely function”Me, December 10, 2019, 2:39 PM to 2:40 PM ET
“So what can we do to help each other?”Me, December 10, 2019, 2:39 PM to 2:40 PM ET
“I don’t know [what] to do to help myself”Me, December 10, 2019, 2:39 PM to 2:40 PM ET

Where I said it came from, 2020 to June 2022

In these years I started telling people, in private, what my marriage was like and how it connected to my health.

February 7, 2020Source: My message to a friend
“I developed lots of neurological issues and chronic fatigue and fibro etc so I steered researching how to get well when I went to tons of doctors and none could help me”Me, February 7, 2020, 5:03 PM ET
February 16, 2020Source: My messages to a friend
My friend had asked how long I'd had the physical and mental symptoms, and when they started.
“I had all that but also felt trapped living in a loveless marriage with someone who was abusive”Me, February 16, 2020, 2:24 PM to 2:25 PM ET
“On and off for seven years”Me, February 16, 2020, 2:24 PM to 2:25 PM ET
“When I got pregnant with my first son and felt turned on and abandoned”Me, February 16, 2020, 2:24 PM to 2:25 PM ET
“I had symptoms of depression and gloom before but the fatigue set in after I got pregnant”Me, February 16, 2020, 2:24 PM to 2:25 PM ET
May 17, 2020Source: My Facebook comment
“…six months ago I wasn’t functional with all sorts of neurological issues and chronic debilitating fatigue…”Me, May 17, 2020, 1:48 PM ET
January 17, 2021Source: My messages to a woman I knew
“My husband is a narcissistic personality”Me, January 17, 2021, 4:42 PM ET
“I developed chronic fatigue and completely shut down”Me, January 17, 2021, 4:42 PM ET
“I was a wreck”Me, January 17, 2021, 4:42 PM ET
February 16, 2021Source: My text to my ex-husband
“You gave me a stress migraine with how much sh*t you did”Me, February 16, 2021, 10:19 PM ET
April 27, 2021Source: My message to a friend
“This is how bad I got and no one believed I was sick because I didn’t “look” sick enough”Me, April 27, 2021, 1:59 PM ET
October 25, 2021Source: My messages to a friend
Right after my first message, she asked if I was being physically abused. My answers follow it.
“I took a muscle relaxer for the intense tension and inflammation in my neck today and it knocked me out cold”Me, October 25, 2021, 4:47 PM to 4:49 PM ET
“i used to be but he hasn’t touched me in a while except for with his words…”Me, October 25, 2021, 4:47 PM to 4:49 PM ET
“Two weeks ago he flipped out really bad on me and put me just out of it since then”Me, October 25, 2021, 4:47 PM to 4:49 PM ET
“I can’t even function lately”Me, October 25, 2021, 4:47 PM to 4:49 PM ET
January 3, 2022Source: My text to my ex-husband
“I’ve had sharp shooting pain in my chest and radiating down my arm for days”Me, January 3, 2022, 11:51 PM ET
January 5, 2022Source: My text to my ex-husband
Two days later.
“I got an ekg - it was pretty normal except a little off but the doctor said it’s likely stress induced and from hormone imbalance so he wants me to get a thyroid panel”Me, January 5, 2022, 3:12 PM ET
May 22, 2022Source: My comment in a Facebook group
“Wow I can unfortunately relate to the stalking - I’m so sorry - I also developed autoimmune because of his abuse but thankfully also reversed it”Me, May 22, 2022, 7:35 PM ET
June 5, 2022Source: My message to a woman I knew
Three days before the temporary full custody order.
“I developed chronic fatigue and many other issues from my inconsiderate partner I’m no longer with - I subsequently reversed all the issues attached to him”Me, June 5, 2022, 9:17 AM ET

After they took my sons: the litigation years, 2022 to 2026

On June 8, 2022 the court gave my ex-husband temporary full custody. What I wrote about my body changed after that. I began having psychogenic seizures from extreme stress weeks after that order took my sons. Some of these records are about what happened in my body when I was forced to keep interacting with my abuser after the order: at exchanges, at my sons’ events and through the litigation, including the supervised visits it led to.

June 17, 2022Source: My Facebook comment
Nine days after the temporary full custody order.
“I’m having spinal shocks and involuntary spasms/jerking/seizure”Me, June 17, 2022, 8:25 PM ET
July 5, 2022Source: My message to a woman I knew
“when I’m overwhelmed with the thoughts of just how much abuse I’ve endured I have an episode where my eyes roll back and I have tremors”Me, July 5, 2022, 5:38 AM ET
January 2023Source: My message to my brother, as quoted in Chapter Six
A later psychogenic seizure episode, days after my father died and after a Zoom call with my sons was cut off.
“I’m getting irregular heart palpitations and had a slight seizure episode today.”Me, January 2023
February 23, 2023Source: My messages to a woman I knew
“I go through my day getting triggered at little things…”Me, February 23, 2023, 10:32 AM to 10:33 AM ET
“Making a smoothie this morning I broke down crying because it reminded me of him”Me, February 23, 2023, 10:32 AM to 10:33 AM ET
May 4, 2023Source: My texts, as quoted in Chapter Seven
Weeks before the trial date. A few minutes after the first message, I tried to describe what happened to someone else.
“I just had a panic attack this is all so overwhelming.”Me, May 4, 2023, 9:22 AM ET
“I’m not sure but I collapsed and had seizure like body jerking and my chest got really tight…”Me, May 4, 2023, 9:22 AM ET
May 2023Source: My message to a friend, as quoted in Chapter Five
Looking back on when the psychogenic seizures began.
“I started having pseudo seizures when I lost them last June.”Me, May 2023
November 22, 2023Source: My texts to a friend
“I’m so traumatized by these people I can’t even pick up my [children] anymore without having a panic attack”Me, November 22, 2023, 9:14 AM to 9:35 AM ET
“I had to remove myself because after [his mother] harassed me Saturday at [my first son]’s basketball game I had a panic attack”Me, November 22, 2023, 9:14 AM to 9:35 AM ET
November 24, 2023Source: My message to a man I knew
“I was having seizures and panic attacks in public from the trauma of seeing him and his mother and being constantly harassed by them”Me, November 24, 2023, 7:01 AM ET
April 22, 2024Source: My message to a woman I knew
“I’m just so exhausted by all of this it’s hard to do anything to fight for myself after two years and ten years of prior abuse”Me, April 22, 2024, 2:53 PM ET
April 26, 2024Source: My message to a man I knew
“I have CPTSD from ongoing torture of my ex husband - I felt like I was dissociating today from the weight of loss…”Me, April 26, 2024, 4:10 PM ET
September 16, 2024Source: My message in a parents’ group chat
“i started developing psychogenic seizures when I’d get another motion filed against me”Me, September 16, 2024, 5:33 AM ET
September 25, 2024Source: My comment in a Facebook group
“I also went through an abusive marriage. I got chronic fatigue from it along with a laundry list of other symptoms.”Me, September 25, 2024, 9:02 PM ET
October 6, 2024Source: My message to someone helping me
Talking about the settlement in my case.
“It was so stressful. I started having seizures, so I just ended up agreeing to whatever I could to stop the triggers and seizures.”Me, October 6, 2024, 4:00 PM ET
December 4, 2024Source: My messages to someone helping me
Right after I sent a document about court filings and offered to pay the filing costs.
“I have a migraine from the stress of this feels like my brain swelling”Me, December 4, 2024, 3:21 PM to 3:24 PM ET
“It’s so much”Me, December 4, 2024, 3:21 PM to 3:24 PM ET
January 29, 2025Source: My messages to the same person
“getting nowhere with court”Me, January 29, 2025, 12:11 PM to 12:15 PM ET
“I’m exhausted - i have no fight left”Me, January 29, 2025, 12:11 PM to 12:15 PM ET
April 5, 2025Source: My message to a man I knew
“I had panic attacks so bad I’d have psychogenic seizures and almost pass out”Me, April 5, 2025, 12:06 PM ET
May 22, 2025Source: My message to a woman I knew
“I got adrenal burnout from the abuse as well”Me, May 22, 2025, 11:18 AM ET
May 27, 2025Source: My message to a man I knew
“I used to have psychogenic seizures and panic attacks regularly from the abuse in my marriage and subsequent litigation abuse.”Me, May 27, 2025, 4:24 PM ET
August 26, 2025Source: My message to a doctor
“Would you be able to write me a letter stating what you diagnosed me with in 2018 and all my symptoms i had etc.?”Me, August 26, 2025, 5:11 PM ET
August 27, 2025Source: My message to a man I knew
“Trying to get my [children] back - he said I was the breadwinner- it was physically impossible for me to both care for my children and work since I had chronic fatigue from the time [my first son] was born from my exes abuse and not sleeping - both [children] had colic and I nursed both for almost two years…”Me, August 27, 2025, 7:54 AM ET
September 10, 2025Source: My message to a friend
“I’m sick this week from extreme stressful situations involving my [children] and their schools banning me from their property during school hours…”Me, September 10, 2025, 7:47 AM ET
October 10, 2025Source: My Facebook comment
“I developed chronic fatigue and neurological issues from the extremity of the abuse”Me, October 10, 2025, 11:22 AM ET
November 6, 2025Source: My Facebook post
A long post I wrote looking back on how sick I had been.
“There was a time my body felt like a prison.”Me, November 6, 2025, 6:31 AM ET
“Sleep didn’t restore me. I woke as exhausted as when I went to bed.”Me, November 6, 2025, 6:31 AM ET
“I was living inside an abusive, isolating marriage, raising two children without support, swallowing emotions to survive…”Me, November 6, 2025, 6:31 AM ET
“Years of hypervigilance and stress from both the toxic home and toxic marriage had flooded my body with cortisol until my adrenals no longer responded.”Me, November 6, 2025, 6:31 AM ET
April 1, 2026Source: My message in a group chat
Looking back on the supervised visits.
“supervise visits would have me in panic attacks in the bathroom and then going back out to eat lunch with my [children] and the supervisors”Me, April 1, 2026, 11:23 AM ET
July 1, 2026Source: My message to a woman I knew
“Yoga nidra was one of the first things that I discovered to ever help my abuse induced chronic fatigue”Me, July 1, 2026, 10:56 AM ET

In my words today

“The PTSD, psychogenic seizures and panic attacks came from the abuse and from having my sons taken from me.”From my About page: read the full page

“After any action in the litigation, panic attacks would shut me down for weeks. I had psychogenic seizures, caused by the trauma of litigation abuse. I haven’t had one in a while.”From my Costs and Time page: read the full page

What it cost

My Costs and Time page lists the health care I needed because of the litigation, including therapy, evaluations and care for the psychogenic seizures.

Contact

If you are a journalist, an advocate or an official and want to see the original records, email me at carey@jcconsultancy.biz.